I wish

I wish I knew
If what they say is true
If your words are heartfelt
Why each time something in me has to melt

I wish I had never
Reached out whenever
Life and hope seemed at the end
I wish for once I could pretend

I wish for no morning
To surprise my poor eyes crying
That my heart wasn't still utterly broken
Why all of this had to happen?

I wish I wasn't me
Just for one chance to be happy
To chase this thing inside
Forever eating away at my pride

I wish she in the mirror
Looking back at me, didn't invoke such horror
That she would fade slowly
And that with her death she would take me

I wish but there's no reason
To wish upon the pillow I cry on
To hope I was someone else ever
Happy and why not prettier!

I wish for the silence
To break along with my patience
To never wake again
This way I would know I wouldn't feel this pain

Laurie
30/08/2012

If Only

And I sit here in the darkness
For companion my heart's mess
Those illusive answers still hiding
My only defence crying...

Pathetic creature that I am still
Fighting but with no will
Life passes me by purposefully
And I watch it go by happilly!

No longer do I care for the light
It can go on shining so bright
I now know it is not for me
Blind and hurt I'll accept I cannot be happy

I was waiting for this to start again
To feel this dull invasive pain
Slowly creeping in on me
Not a friend I'm happy to see

I felt it slowly gain strength
Much to my expense
I see darkness all around
And to it I am forever bound

So much I wish to say
But never do I find the words by day
Yet at night they flood my mind often
Tormenting me, waiting for disaster to happen

I want to quit it all
Close my eyes, let myself fall
Never wake, end it there
This hunting game certainly isn't fair

Laurence Ramos
30:08:2012

I was there, watching her water approaching, 
Yet it was London I was then missing, 
As the cold salty ocean reached out to me, 
It was clear back home I am no longer happy.

As I walked to her slowly anticipating
The icy grasp I had for so long been longing,
My mind raced back to where my heart and life now belong
Yes the love for her has gone but when it was there it was strong....

Biscarrosse, daughter of swamps and wild sands, 
Not matter how long and far you stretch out your hands, 
Even if in life and heart I will always be your daughter, 
It is not for you my heart is running after.

Oh mother of strong and hard minded people
You have lost the charm once bewitching all
A mere attraction you are now earthly mother
For you old and hidden beauty we no longer bother.

Your children have grown complacent
As quick as it left, your sweet pine scent
Along with it went the kindness, the charm
From me you may now forever close your welcoming arms.

In my heart I shall keep my childhood sun
Back from when it all begun
The memories of sweet treats and salty waters
But from you and the past little now matters.

Laurence Ramos
August, 8th. 2012